Fun game: Take pictures with your camera sound turned up when someone comes into the bathroom stall next to yours.
*Googles “exercise apps for lazy people”*
*Downloads five apps*
That should do it for today.
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Just saw my wife’s tampon string hanging out while she slept. Not sure, but I bet if I lit her fuse she’d explode bigger than any firework.
me: two marijuanas please
employee: this is the mcdonald’s drive thru
me: two McMarijuanas please
6. MY FAVOURITE TEXT POST OF ALL TIME PROBABLY
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I feel bad for all these athletes training for the Olympics in 2016 since we’re all gonna die in 2012
BREAKING: Popeye Expresses Outrage as Pope Goes to Mount Olive
DATE: oh u have an eyelash on ur cheek [picks it up] make a wish
ME (under my breath): i wish u wouldn’t touch my property
Taylor Swift’s ex-boyfriends should band together to create a compilation album entitled “Maybe it’s not us, it’s you…”