@tsm560: Got an extension cord, and moved the microwave right into bed with me. This 2015 is looking like a good one already.
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@NewDadNotes: Wife: how do we explain Halloween to our kids? Me: they wear a costume and ask strangers for candy. Wife: but we told them to NEVER accept candy from strangers. Me: tell them one day a year it’s ok. it’s like the Purge but for Children.
@beefman138: I hate it when my Wife says that we need to talk. It's always "What's wrong with you?" and never about sports, beer or bikini models.
@: me: hole in the wall places are often the best places to eat mcdonalds manager: [just stares at me as the tow truck pulls my car out of the side of his building] me: so really i did you guys a favor