Got my son to paint our fence by telling him it was his first karate class.

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New rule: no video games before the time you’d normallly get home from school. That’s going to work with the 17 year old, right?


If you play Titanic backwards it’s about a guy who rises from the sea, bangs a ginger and tries to throw her over the railing of a boat.


My childhood has prepared me for a lot more bear-related pic-a-nic-basket thefts than I’m currently experiencing.


Nice empty fish tank
It’d be a shame if someone were to FILL IT WITH SNAKES!
*the terrarium is invented*


if you’re havin girl problems I feel bad for you son, I got 99 problems and they’re all bottles of beer on the wall


Anyone else rip their mask off when they get in to the car like they’ve just finished a disappointing surgery on Grey’s Anatomy


There are 363 days till Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up.