@dave_cactus: Got thrown out of a funeral today for saying Bazinga during the eulogy. That's OK; I can only pretend to be dead for so long.
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@KimmyMonte: I just saw Beauty and the Beast and now all I want to do is live with a water buffalo and talk to my furniture
@KalvinMacleod: CAT 911: what’s the emergency? CAT: I can see a bird outside our clear wall CAT 911: you mean a window? CAT: no it’s definitely a bird
@TheIronSherk: Eating a block of cheese is probably the most delicious way to figure out it's time to get some groceries.
@Dadpression: The first bird to chew food for her kids was probably just trying to leave for work on time.