Reasons Pluto is so cold:
3) It’s far from the sun
2) Its atmosphere is too thin to trap heat.
1) It found out we said it’s not a planet.
Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats–taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup.
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my neighbor just told me about an alien sighting he had that was just a regular southwest boeing 737 in the sky but he said he could see into the cockpit with binoculars and there was an alien flying it
Y’all say redheads eat souls like it’s a bad thing, but I’m telling you, this diet is really going to pay off come swimsuit season.
I’ve got 45 chairs in my garage from receptionists asking me to take a seat.
“Thanks. We dont let him in though cause he shreds”
You mean sheds?
“No” [gestures to cat shredding to Van Halen on the back patio]
Let’s do something we both know we’ll regret in the morning. Let’s order KFC for dinner.
a gymnast walks into a bar. she is immediately given a 0.0 and disqualified from Olympic trials. you’re supposed to jump OVER the bar, idiot
I wish there was enough room on TV for another show called Judge Judy, but where people just stood around criticizing a woman named Judy.
During fireworks is the best time to shoot someone.
I order so much Chinese food the delivery guy must think I’m a middle aged divorced homicide detective in an 80s movie.