If you see me in Atlanta this weekend, at a Taylor Swift concert, that’s not me.
Government Shutdown: Day 13
Anthony Weiner decides to help.
He takes a photo.
Congress now sees where balls are located.
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I can’t shop there because I don’t understand their parking lot.
celebrities: time to 🎶 SIIIIIIIIING
I grew up in a time where your mothers saliva was the most powerful cleaning agent around.
Next time you get in a fight with your girl.. Go tighten all the lids on the jars.
[googles “camaflage spiders”]
[googles “camouflage spiders”]
If you want to know what cereal you don’t have ask one of the kids what they want for breakfast.
Dog Cop: you ran a gray light
Dog Driver: but it was still gray when i went through the intersection
Dog Cop: no it was gray
Spice up Christmas shopping by entering random fitting rooms, waiting 5 minutes, then yelling, “Hey! There’s no toilet paper in here!”