Graduating from law school and immediately googling what can you do with a law degree
You Might Also Like
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wife gets so many weird docs from doctors and insurance companies.
One is notorious for “click here to get emailed for password good for five minutes” password sent next day
The young witch sat atop her brand new Roomba and flew into the air.
*bumps into tree*
*turns*
*bumps into stop sign*
*turns*
I’m willing to go through a weeks worth of training at McDonalds just so I can say “Have a great McFuckin day” to people until I get fired.
Finally got to experience my longtime dream today of getting sent the wrong zoom link for a meeting and entering a different, much more important meeting where everyone stared at their screen in confusion until the person in charge politely asked me who I was
You enter. “I’ve been expecting you,” I say from behind the massive swivel chair. I put too much leg into turning around & spin for 5 mins.
Who tf be hiding shrimp in their socks?
Interviewer: do you have any final questions?
Me: HYPOTHETICALLY, what happens to people who drink on their lunch breaks?
Pee pressure > peer pressure
Friend: I’m worried about you.
Me: *pours tequila over cereal* Why?
Kids love retelling stories about times they threw up
*maintains eye contact while checking ‘Dating Librarians For Dummies’ out from the library.
I love how my husband cuts all the bearded dragon’s food up into itty bitty pieces, like that’s how he finds it in the wild.
If you want to see a true tyrant in action, put one of your kids in charge of the other ones.
Hate it when I’m minding my own business and an unmarked van pulls up with a shady-looking bear offering cheap farm-fresh honey and next thing I know I’m lying bruised and bloody on the side of the road but I guess that’s what I get for carrying a picnic basket in broad daylight
Not religious but been going through a hard time so lit a candle in a church today for the first time to seek help. 30 mins later a pigeon shat on my head
Waiter, there appears to be a red bandana in my turtle soup.
The average lifespan of a cheesecake in my house is about 2.5 hours.
How do I feel about your goatee? I shave every part of my legs except the knees, how do you feel about that?
next question.
“Let them fake cake”
Marie Internette
Her: I really can’t stay
Him: Baby, it’s cold outside
Her: I’m Canadian, I can handle it
Oh, you’re a witch? Name three children you’ve eaten.
The dark side of Canada
now is it just me or does this dress look like she’s making pasta from scratch.
While the Americans are in a food coma, we should switch Twitter and Facebook displays around. Give their hearts a jumpstart.
in addition to Lady Doritos, Doritos plans to make Alpha Male Doritos, which will be just shards of broken glass
Vegetarians live up to nine years longer. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
7yo: You know if you didn’t have kids you could turn my room into a tea room.
So now we know her plans after I die.
WHAT YOU SAY: Hi, my name’s Timothy but you can call me Tim
WHAT I HEAR: Hi, my name’s [DEAFENING STATIC] but you can call me ‘mate’ until one of us leaves this job