How can you tell a vampire has the virus?
He’ll be coffin.
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It’s not that he liked big butts; it’s that he could not lie. THAT’S why Sir Mix-a-Lot deserved his knighthood.
Ok, I’ll admit it, my choice of words is sometimes influenced by which ones I think I can spell correctly.
Pres: Our biggest fears have come true…
*I run to check on the donuts
*Stroll back in, spitting crumbs “what’s wrong?”
My wife asked me today if I would ever cheat on her. I replied, “Who else would I cheat on?”
“Hey Frosty, calm down on the snacks. You’re getting fat. Check out this six pack! You could do laundry on it!”
– the Abdominal Snowman
I once listened to Heart at 3am smoking a cigarette with mascara running down my face.
Teacher: We usually choose a book for story time..
*sharpens claws of two dozen lobsters*
*sets loose in back yard*
*never mows again*
Waiters who dont write stuff down—what do you win?