Dogs have dandruff and cats have dandmeow. Hi, I’m single.
Growing up, when a thunderstorm started getting real bad, all the families on our street would shoot at it until it backed off.
You Might Also Like
5-year-old: Do you know what I learned at school?
5: I was asking you. I don’t remember.
DUI checkpoint cop: sir, have u been drinking tonight
me: define sir
Find someone who likes (or dislikes) the same amount of air-conditioning as you, and stick with them.
Obviously you don’t think you’re ignorant! That’s the meaning of ignorance!
*Goes to Vegas casino
*Steps out of limo
Casino manager: Sir, are you a high roller?
Me: I am, now point me to your finest claw machine.
I’VE SEEN SOME SHIT MAN
Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming
“But dad we’re goldfish”
Oh yeah, I forgot
[Cowardly Lion starts texting his ex]
WIZARD OF OZ: Ok wow, I gave you WAY too much courage.
date: so what do you do?
me: *doing a huge amount of karate* adderall