A moment of silence please for the bottle of wine I just dropped.
It was a tragic accident.
Gone too soon.
Some blacks don’t like whites, some whites don’t like blacks!
And nobody likes Mexicans!
Big deal! Who cares!
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OLD LADY: help, that man snatched my purse and he’s getting away!
ME: no need to shout, ma’am, i’ll handle it
OLD LADY: oh thank you!
ME: *takes deep breath* help, that man snatched her purse and he’s getting away!
Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.
Deep down, we’re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
Always remember…. A mirror never lies.
If I ever lose my phone I want Liam Neeson looking for it
which bird do you think most deserves to be punched in the face and why is it a goose
I’ve become obsessed with the idea that Jesus was a terrible guitarist but no one told him to stop because they were afraid of his dad.
“Is that on Netflix?” I ask, with no intention of ever watching it
100 Ways to contact me;
1. Call me.
2. Tweet me.
3. Txt me….
95.Drums and smoke signals