@TitansHomer

Guess what!

Some blacks don’t like whites, some whites don’t like blacks!

And nobody likes Mexicans!

Big deal! Who cares!

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@TrophyWifeDayna

A moment of silence please for the bottle of wine I just dropped.

It was a tragic accident.

Gone too soon.

@TheHyyyype

OLD LADY: help, that man snatched my purse and he’s getting away!

ME: no need to shout, ma’am, i’ll handle it

OLD LADY: oh thank you!

ME: *takes deep breath* help, that man snatched her purse and he’s getting away!

@causticbob

Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

@SCbchbum

Deep down, we’re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.

@funflaps

which bird do you think most deserves to be punched in the face and why is it a goose

@CorkyCrash

I’ve become obsessed with the idea that Jesus was a terrible guitarist but no one told him to stop because they were afraid of his dad.

@PaperWash

“Is that on Netflix?” I ask, with no intention of ever watching it

@Just_A_Kenyan

100 Ways to contact me;
1. Call me.

2. Tweet me.

3. Txt me….

95.Drums and smoke signals

100.Facebook