I drink expresso irregardless of the time, because, for all intensive purposes, its good for my sole. Also, it keeps my brain alot sharper.
Guy: I hate my spouse.
Friend: You gotta end it.
Guy: I also hate myself.
Friend: You gotta en… learn to love yourself!
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“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa” – the soundtrack to every Middle Eastern scene in every Hollywood movie.
I’m so broke right now, if my gf leaves me for a richer person I’m going with them -__-
Just saw a cyclist put his hand out to indicate he was turning left when a lone pedestrian high fived him. I feel so good right now.
You don’t have to say “I love you too,” pizza man.
But it was nice of you.
dude killed a sea lion with his bike
My parenting style is best described as “No” with a side of “Ugh. Fine, but please don’t hurt yourself.”
Apparently asking the boss ” who ignited the fuse on your tampon?” will get you sent to HR.
*Runs 6 miles*
*Adds Kenyan to resume*
No, I’m not “lackadaisical”, I’m lazy, which is the same only 3 whole syllables less.