@Marlebean

Had a guy compliment me on my neck…
hmm..
So on a hunky vampire scale from “Twilight” to “The Lost Boys”, how freaky is this about to get?

You Might Also Like

@Rollmaninoz

Each year millions of innocent lives are lost when they accidentally board the wrong plane bound straight for the waiting mouth of a child.

@citizenkawala

Dean Martin: When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie

Neil deGrasse Tyson: I don’t even know where to begin with this

@SSDated

Me: *crawls in window*

Him: What are you doing?!

Me: You’re my boyfriend now?

Him: I’m calling the cops

Me: But you retweeted me??

@sfreeze6

I want to be a large, Southern black woman who fans herself in church when I grow up.

@Jandalize

Imagine a giraffe. Now imagine the giraffe trying to get on a pool float. Now put my face on the giraffe. That’s about right.

@donni

Cheese is plural because you never eat just one chee

@RoosterMustache

*bursts into church*

DONT MARRY THAT WOMAN

Undertaker: “This is a funeral”

OKAY WELL IT STILL HOLDS TRUE, DONT MARRY HER

@Ally__Jam

I’ve bought tickets to all One Directions upcoming gigs.They’re not my cup of tea but the tickets say The Doors open at 7:15 and i love them

@KentWGraham

My wife is great at multitasking. She can be mad at me for five different things at the same time.

@fro_vo

“Does your dad play any sports?”

“No, my dad hates sports”

*dad walks in*

“Hey there, Sport”