@Carbosly

Had I been Jesus, being invited to “The Last Supper” would’ve raised a few red flags.

You Might Also Like

@boxergraphix

#Itssocoldthat..A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring

@MarcusTheToken

*Does one sit-up. Whispers to self.

“That’ll do pig. That’ll do.”

@hstweetheart

I’LL TAKE TEN OF YOUR FINEST MIDGETS! THEY MUST BE CLEVER CONVERSATIONALISTS & KNOW HOW TO PARTY.

“…Ma’am, this is a preschool…”

@FrazzleMyGimp

[Wendy’s Job Interview]

INTERVIEWER: Ok let’s role play. You’re working the drive through and I’m a customer ordering.

ME: Sir please get back in your car.

INTERVIEWER: {under breath} Brilliant.

@heybuddycomic

advisor: sire, the kingdom is in chaos, the streets ravaged with crime, surely you can spare so-

king: NO. the egg needs ALL my men

@girlnarly

woman who cleans my house: ugh. this place is filthy

also me: lady i’m doing my best

@pointsymmetric

One man. One tuba. A whole public library full of unsuspecting people. And no law enforcement anywhere in sight.

@Stella1070

I’ve wrecked my car yet I still weigh the same. This crash diet is for the birds.

@Marlebean

That’s disgusting! Where did you learn to do that?! Don’t wipe boogers on Mommy’s pillow!

Wipe it on Daddy’s