[In the middle of nowhere]
4: “Mommy, are there toilets on this road trip?”
“Because I’m about to poop my pants.”
HAD LOTS OF ESPRESSO. TWEETING FROM THE MOON. I LIVE HERE NOW. IT IS NOT MADE OUT OF CHEESE.
1 OUT OF 5 STARS: NOT RECOMMENDED
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My husband keeps insisting we try 69, but I think we should keep the thermostat at 72 degrees this winter.
I was so touched last week when a shopkeeper handed my 3yo a donut without checking with me, that today I gave his teen a bag of heroin.
Tweezers? Razor? Oh, hell no! By the time this is over, I’m going to need new shears and a lawn mower.
Keep me in your prayers. My daughter just found her old recorder.
gas pump: do you want a receipt? Y/N
me: *presses yes*
me: *pressing harder* YES
gas pump: lol nope
Choose your own adventure:
S O F A T H E R E Y E S P O P
Dad sees a soda?
Moving a couch for dad?
Obese girl with a vision problem?
Me watching Luther: Oh you beautiful broken violent man, I would love you through it all.
Me on a date: Eyebrows don’t match, I’m out.
Wife: oh honey, I didn’t marry for money, the guy I fell in love with had an easy smile, a sparkling laugh & big dreams. then I met you.