[opens door for two Jehovah’s witnesses]
Ugh…ok come in. The goat blood is in a vial on the table. I’ll get the virgin from the basement.
“HAHA WTF LMAO OMG LOL HAHA WTF LMAO LMAO HAHA LOL OMG LMAO LOL WTF LMAO” – Birds at 6AM
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Okay, weigh me now
What jugglers do best
2. Make people who can’t juggle feel bad for not being able to juggle
Husband: *completely and utterly silent*
-quiet dialogue scene-
Husband: so let me tell you about the history of rockets
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
I imagine the hardest part about being vegan is getting up before sunrise to milk all of those almonds.
You know you where drunk last night when you realise you cooked your pizza for 200 minutes at 18 degrees
All I do is answer emails all day. I don’t care whose emails. If I see an email, I answer it. No open computer is safe. My family is worried
Things I know I cannot do but still try to:
2. Hit the high note
3. Move things with my mind
4. Eat ‘just one’
5. Be Cool
When I was younger I used to sell home security alarms door to door. I was always selling the most security alarms out of anyone else I worked with. “What’s your secret?”. If I went to call on a house and nobody was home, then I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.