@jaxwax04

Has anyone checked the math on the Mayan calendar to see if it was off by about 8 years?

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@Ygrene

The male version of pamphlets are jimphlets, thank you for your time

@KattsDogma

Photographer: Ok. You two hold hands, & u, in the back, hold a gun to that guy’s head. Nice. I’ll add blush in post.

@Thedudish

“Is my butt is too big?” my girlfriend asked, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Sensing a trap, I fell to the ground and played dead.

@PajamaBen_

Billy where is your homework? “im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it”

@Sickayduh

Good cop: You have the right to remain silent

Girlfriend cop: What’s wrong? Why are you being so quiet? Are you mad? I hate when you’re lik

@johntabin

Contemplating the merits of the Oxford comma as I head down to Florida to see my parents, Donald Trump and Marco Rubio

@ObscureGent

Somewhere there’s a bat that witnessed their parents murder who now dresses like a human.

@Douchekevin

The girl I have a date with tonight texted and said ‘I have no gag reflex πŸ˜‰ ‘
So I guess that means I’m taking her to a Nicolas Cage movie