The male version of pamphlets are jimphlets, thank you for your time
Has anyone checked the math on the Mayan calendar to see if it was off by about 8 years?
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Photographer: Ok. You two hold hands, & u, in the back, hold a gun to that guy’s head. Nice. I’ll add blush in post.
I left the womb for this?
“Is my butt is too big?” my girlfriend asked, staring at her reflection in the mirror. Sensing a trap, I fell to the ground and played dead.
My neighbor hates when I go over to borrow a cup of money.
Billy where is your homework? “im sorry Ms. Klein my dog- *sees dog in the window make a throat cutting motion* -gone cat ate it”
Good cop: You have the right to remain silent
Girlfriend cop: What’s wrong? Why are you being so quiet? Are you mad? I hate when you’re lik
Contemplating the merits of the Oxford comma as I head down to Florida to see my parents, Donald Trump and Marco Rubio
Somewhere there’s a bat that witnessed their parents murder who now dresses like a human.
The girl I have a date with tonight texted and said ‘I have no gag reflex 😉 ‘
So I guess that means I’m taking her to a Nicolas Cage movie