@MiddleageM: Having a tea party is fun until your daughter tells you that she got the water from the toilet
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@evaandheriud: it’s so important we compare women to other women because in the end, as we all know, there can only be one woman
@TheBoydP: When someone my age uses the word “harvest” there’s a 50/50 chance it’s a reference to either body parts or tomatoes.
@Smug_Lemur: *at interview* Him: What would you say are your strengths? Me: Words Him: Can you say more? Me: More Him: Me: I'm also good at directions
@JohnLyonTweets: [nearing end of first date] Me: I'll give you a call later, OK? Her: *throws phone in river* I lost my phone.