@Sal0630: Hell is an endless cycle of getting comfortable in bed & then suddenly having to pee
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@ceejoyner: For starters, you drew your mom the same size as the house. Good enough for the fridge? I don't even want it in my garbage.
@bobvulfov: TSA AGENT: take off ur shoes please ME: [hiding counterfeit pokemon cards in my shoes] the dude in front of me said he has a grenade
@panmidwest: [introducing my new girlfriend to my brothers] ME: …so basically this is my last day at the monastery