@BuckyIsotope: Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?
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@noog: Squirrels run around like they're being chased. Nobody cares about you. You live in tree. Get a job
@TheThomason: Death row last meal? Starfish. Eat a leg, it grows back. Sit back and enjoy a long life eating starfish legs in an electric chair.
@too_chihuahua: "How much are these glasses?" "$150 sir" "I guess you could say" *puts on sunglasses* *runs out without another word*
@Mom_Overboard: Date: I like a girl who knows about the human body *wink* Me: *visibly excited* did you know that the right lung is divided into three lobes? Date: no I meant Me: but the left lung only has two! Date: not like th— wait, really?