@UncleDuke1969: “Hello, yes, I’m going to need a tray of hors d’oeuvres delivered this Tuesday at noon to the blue Acura parked next to the dumpster behind the Kohl’s on 14th Street.”
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@MichaelTrying: The moral of “The Three Little Pigs” is “make your house with bricks.” Why are we giving four year olds architectural advice?
@Book_Krazy: Mom, I'm glad April Fools is on a wkend. Kids at school are jerks Me:*Hiding a plate of waffles drenched in olive oil* yeah people are mean
@ericsshadow: [me telling a joke] guy wearing a "Make America Great Again" hat: I don't understand. ME: There's probably a lot you don't understand.