HELP how do you know if a guy likes you or is only talking to you because you accidentally hit him with your car
You Might Also Like
Lo AND behold? in this economy?
So, Facebook is celebrating its 10th birthday. What do you buy for the social media app that makes you hate everyone?
Hate when the person sitting next to me on the subway notices me shamelessly reading their texts and starts tilting it out of my view like c’mon lemme have a lil read it’s just me c’mon who am I gonna tell it’s only me
Post nuclear war:
A sterile and withered landscape. No vegetation or nourishment remains.My refrigerator after a 14 year old boy comes home from school:
A sterile and withered landscape. No vegetation or nourishm—
Forgive me, for I have sinned.
Same time tomorrow?
Our kids are making us a special anniversary dinner and I’ve never not worked so hard in my life
Autocarrot sucks!
Bean bag chairs are venus fly traps for anyone over 35.
I just saw a girl at the gas pumps with a T-shirt that read :
Hugh Janus
And now i can’t stop laughing
Sorry I told you that you should probably take down your Halloween profile picture when you had already put your normal picture up days ago.
Just saw a horse drawn cart. Wasn’t a very good cart. Horses are terrible artists.
Just why bro?!
Good morning people…..I woke up feeling myself this morning….wait that doesn’t sound right. What I meant is I woke up feeling confidant
That pen in the junk drawer that hasn’t been used in four years picked today to have an attitude.
If people start referring to your outfits as “get-ups,” you might want to start rethinking some of your fashion choices.
A guy on Intervention is named Bryceton, I thought the intervention was for the parents having more kids
i don’t want to know what five dentists think about a certain toothpaste, i want to know what they think about EVERYTHING. four out of five dentists recommend kierkegaard
why are poetry books so expensiveee. each page will be like:
i am home.
if you knockand the book is $49.99
It sucks you can’t google something happening in your life. What does my neighbor Derek do for work
In the mornings lately I find evidence of carrots or celery in my daughter’s bed from her late night snacking and I’ve never been more concerned that she might not be mine
when you gotta take the souls of the damned to the underworld, but need to reduce your carbon footprint
“Coffee is disgusting. Why would grown ups drink this stuff?” says my son, who woke up at 5 AM of his own free will and then proceeded to wake me at 5 AM against my own free will.
Nana to 3: “I love you! Who loves ya?!”
3 to Nana: “Nana!”
Nana to 3: “That’s right! Who loves Nana?”
3 to Nana: “Nobody!!!”Never been more impressed in my life.
I wish I could but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.
“Hope you’re enjoying the sunshine!”
No, I’m at a desk reading your email.
nobody:
TV writers: first of all, nobody can explain anything quickly or clearly to avoid a misunderstanding
Sometimes I feel doomed in dating, but then a random internet man with a profile pic of Deadpool writes “that’s cause u havent been with me yet ;)” and I am filled with joy and hope
SINCERE STUPID QUESTION:
was peter parker funny and quippy like he is when fighting as spider-man BEFORE he got his powers also, or did he get some kind of enhanced spider-sense of humor?
ARE SPIDERS VERY FUNNY NATURALLY?
I haven’t been laid in so long that the Pope is laughing at me.
“I want to put a baby in you,” I whisper to the microwave over the sound of the infant crying next door.