@noogscorner: Hendrix didn't need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
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@AndyAsAdjective: FRIEND: are you going to watch star wars tonight? ME: uhh…yeah…of course [later] ME: [looking up from telescope pointed at night sky] odd…they seem to all be getting along just fine
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Coworker: These heels are killing my feet but they're so cute. Me: These ugly Sketchers I'm wearing have insides made out of memory foam.
@punished_picnic: 2018 guy: girls wear so much makeup lol 1018 guy: I can't even tell who i'm married to because everyone's face is covered in dirt
@Brampersandon_: We have great news. We're pregnant! -Awesome! Do u know the sex yet? Of course we know 'the sex'. How do u think we got pregnant, silly?
@paigeofmylife2: My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven't even seen me in bed yet.
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