Her: Hi, I’m Cindi with two “i’s”

Cyclops: Wow

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*caches football thrown from off screen* “Are you having problems with slow interne*video starts buffering*


ME: What’s this about?
SECRET SERVICE: We can’t tell you
ME: I can take it
SS: *whispers* Your parents didn’t take your dog to a farm


[Being murdered]

Me: Thank you for getting me out of doing the laundry.



Me: The Tooth Fairy doesn’t want you messing with it until payd…Friday.


*Dentist’s waiting room*
*Trying to make conversation with other patient*
So… I guess you have teeth, too?


Why do girls keep having periods when they hate them? Just stop having them , do what makes you happy ??


If you don’t like the way I drive then get off the hood of my car.