[Enter your password]
[Password must be 6 characters]
[Password disgusting but accepted]
HER: how was your day?
ME: you know in Die Hard when he runs barefoot over broken glass?
HER: it was that bad??
ME: oh no, it’s just a cool scene…my day was decent
You Might Also Like
The person in front of me paid for my coffee and I had to do the right thing, so I ordered a donut also.
My 6 yr old just asked if I’m a happy wife.. her cover is blown I think she might be working for the other side
Me: I don’t think I can handle any more stress or challenges in my life.
Universe: Hold my beer.
[Earth, looking at her face in mirror after a date]
Oh, no! How long has that volcano been there?
Me: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.
4yo: I don’t have any other feet..
Me: Fair enough.
When God made raccoons he was like do you want to be an old timey burglar or a trash digger. Too slow. You’re both now.
So it turns out that fat bearded man whose lap I was sitting on at the mall wasn’t Santa. LOL drugs.
Me: OMG I love this song
Radio: should I play it again
Radio: fifteen times
Radio: every hour
Radio: for the next six months
paint by numbers implies the existence of paint by leviticus and paint by deuteronomy