HER: I can’t believe you made a pillow fort for day drinking in.
ME: ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᶜᵃˡˡ ᶦᵗ ᶜᵃˢᵗˡᵉ ᴳʳᵉʸ ᴳᵒᵒˢᵉ ˢᵏᵘˡˡ
HER:
ME:
HER:
ME: ᴵ ʰᵃᵛᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵒʷᵉʳ
HER: You have a problem.
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I don’t like who I become when an online form expires in the middle of me filling it out.
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me: i need to a place to relax.
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For today’s Florida story, I bring you Michael Marolla, who was just arrested in Collier County with a live alligator in the bed of his pickup, two firearms, and multiple syringes loaded with meth.
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We never discuss the elephant in the room at family gatherings; my siblings just toss peanuts at me.
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Me: Ok.
4: You can be the mommy.
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Me: Wait. When did we get Doritos?
me: it was my first day in prison, so I went up to the biggest, scariest guy and punched him
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