My Cat: REMEMBER THE PACTS FORGED BETWEEN OUR PEOPLES LONG AGO.
Me: Stop it, it’s 6 in the morning.
Cat: YOU PLEDGED ETERNAL SERVITUDE.
Me: I did not.
Cat: IN EXCHANGE WE WOULD COME TO YOUR AID IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED.
Me: I’m not feeding you.
Cat: REMEMBER THE PACTS.
Her: What superpower would you choose?
Me: *sweating* Definitely the USA or China.
You Might Also Like
A roasted peanut is a regular peanut that was made fun of by celebrity peanuts.
My cat caught me watching cat videos on the Internet so we now have a shared Twitter and Facebook account.
FOR SALE: Circular metal shield with metal handle… possibly Roman??..(chanced across it on top of my dustbin) £8.00
[Chris Hemsworth posts 85 videos of him working out hard, eating right, and looking amazing]
Me: must be good genetics
Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog.
Me: oh hi! Did you come over because I’m sad? How do you always know when I need you?
Cat: get me my damn jingle mouse.
Me: I love you too
*returning snake to the pet store* my hamsters won’t come out of this tunnel
Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up?
Wife: No reason.
Wife: Here, taste this.
COPS: We know you killed him
ME: I didn’t do it!
COPS: really? *starts playing Shakira*
ME: wait no
MY HIPS: HE’S UNDER THE FLOOR BOARDS