Her: What’s your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom?
Me: Showering is optional
Her: HAHAHA, be serious.
Me: Ok, no drug tests.

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A dating app called “Hinder” where some guy shows up in the middle of every date and ruins everything.


The whole thing about “we’re all going to die some day,” that’s a joke, right?


[on an interview]

Him: What are your bartending qualifications? *sips coffee*

Me: *slides coaster under his mug as he puts it down*

Him: *spits out coffee* Holy shit


Wait …

“El Chapo” is a Mexican drug lord ….

and not the guy who’s been stealing
our Chapsticks for years ?


Grammar Nazi hiding in Argentina captured after being baited on social media with an inappropriate you’re usage


Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.