A dating app called “Hinder” where some guy shows up in the middle of every date and ruins everything.
Her: What’s your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom?
Me: Showering is optional
Her: HAHAHA, be serious.
Me: Ok, no drug tests.
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The whole thing about “we’re all going to die some day,” that’s a joke, right?
Straight people are cancelled
[on an interview]
Him: What are your bartending qualifications? *sips coffee*
Me: *slides coaster under his mug as he puts it down*
Him: *spits out coffee* Holy shit
“El Chapo” is a Mexican drug lord ….
and not the guy who’s been stealing
our Chapsticks for years ?
Grammar Nazi hiding in Argentina captured after being baited on social media with an inappropriate you’re usage
[inside a tornado]
Dad: wind’s really pickin up
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.