@JCWisdomNuggets: Hey Dads who think that being home with the kids alone is called "babysitting". You're wrong. It's called "parenting". Not the same.
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@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend's father got mad that I proposed to her without asking him first but there's just no way I would ever marry that guy.
@gothicaseas: Always a bridesmaid, never the voice that mysteriously bleeds from the corner of your bedroom wall.
@RorynotRoy: I wish someone would hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be okay and then just kinda turn into like $20,000 in cash.
@doublewenis: *seductively feeding you chicken wings while you hit on a hot chick "I'm sorry, I really don't know what a wingman is supposed to do."