@PaperWash: hey idiots you don't have to go back in time to kill hitler he's already dead
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@ImLeslieChow: "I wasn't that drunk!" "Dude, you congratulated a potato for getting a part in Toy Story."
@truegritrumble: ME: *staring into my lover's eyes in the midst of a warm embrace* HER: What are you thinking? ME: *caressing her cheek* I forgot your name.
@Book_Krazy: Boss: This is the third time you've been late for work this week. Do you know what that means? Me: That it's only Wednesday
@CulturedRuffian: Me: And I would do anything for love. Her: Put your phone down. Me: But I won't do that. Her: You said anything. Me: No I won't do that.