I shouldn’t play with Legos? It says “Ages 7 & Up”. 30 is higher than 7.
Instead of calling me immature, you need to go take a math class.
hey parents who say “someday your kids won’t want to be around you”
… when can I look forward to that starting?
You Might Also Like
genie: you could end world hunger or all wars-
me: no i’m sure this is my wish
mcdonalds ceo: [sitting up in bed] we need to sell mcsoup
If it ain’t broke, my children haven’t touched it yet.
Just want to be bitten by a spider without the obligation of becoming a superhero.
There’s been a fire at London Zoo. Apparently two stick insects were having sex and it all got out of control.
In my dreams last night, I met God. He gave me the manuscript for His novel to read, but I never read it, & I had to avoid Him in the town.
There should be a safe word for small talk:
“So how about this weather we’re hav -”
“RUTABAGA! GOD DAMN IT JIM, RUTABAGA.”
HER: I absolutely love Star Wars
ME: Oh me too
HER: What’s your favorite part?
ME: *nervously* Uh, when the stars go to war
No, no, no, you don’t have to engage in a long explanation of why you’re single. We’ve spent five minutes together, I think I’ve got it.
I love the smell of a camp fire. It reminds me of the night we kille….
…..I just love smell of campfires.