@Thedudish: Hey, remember me from last night? You gave me the wrong number but I found you on Facebook. I'm on your porch. Can I come in?
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@HTXBlonde: "It's funny how red, white, and blue represents freedom until it's your rear view mirror flashing behind you."
@JB4Realz: waiter: our special is only $7.99 mechanic: i'm a mechanic. [seconds later] waiter: my guys in the back're telling me the special's actually going to be about $235 and some change. mechanic: that's too much. waiter: *sucks air through teeth* they've already started on it.
@Holy_Mowgli: PRIEST: the child is inhabited by the same evil spirit we crossed paths with! CHILD [demon voice]: DON'T END A SENTENCE WITH A PREPOSSESSION