“Toy Story 4”: Woody and Buzz discover their teddy bear friend is really a NannyCam; they must murder him to protect the secret of the toys.
HIM: I like your shirt!
ME: [wondering why he excluded every other thing I’m wearing and also me] thanks
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I’m dressing up as a public radio station for Halloween so my parents will support me again.
If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss.
Actually, Kara, love is an illusion created by chemical reactions. The most powerful force in the world is the invisible hand of the market.
This household only uses the finest of cat hair on its sandwiches.
GERG: She licked ur donut?
JERY: Shes a DONUT LICKER!
JERY: she also said she “hates america”
GERG: Donut licking traitor!
IF SATAN IS READING THIS PLEASE MAKE THE FINGERBOARD ON MY DESK DO 1 FLIP
My arm bone’s connected to my hand bone. My hand bone’s connected to a bacon cheeseburger.
Don’t drop the soap in prison because someone might steal your soap and then you will be “the dirty guy” and no one will have sex with you
I’m a social vegan. I avoid meet.