My mum laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
Him: I thought you were spring cleaning today
Me: *stumbling* Did you even SEE the wine cabinet?
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I don’t mind your bad kids running around if you don’t mind me tripping them.
Me: I spy with my little eye someone who is guilty.
Murder suspect: Me?
Me: Ahah, so you confess!
All of Star Wars is basically just about flying through different kinds of canyons. The plot is only there to create reasons to fly through canyons
This day in history. 1973. Pablo Picasso died leaving behind his wife, 4 children, and a dog with piano key teeth and a halibut for a tail.
RANGER: watch out for wolves
ME: oh ya?
RANGER: so relentless-
[wolf runs up w/ bible] HAVE U HEARD ABOUT OUR LORD & SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST
All good students of Astrology drop out midway after they learn enough to find out. 🙂
Few people talk about Hitler’s other known book about war games, Mein Sweeper.
This Independence Day please remember that fireworks are not a toy, they are meant to be aimed at the nearest British ship.