@AnnietheNanny1
@BakwasRadio
Whenever a guy peeps into my phone, I open the front cam and take a selfie with him.
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@BakwasRadio
@daemonic3
Demi Lovato is my favorite singer that is half human, half Lovato.
@wickedimproper
Interview:
“Can you hold scissors?”
“yes”
“Welcome to SuperCuts”
@dmc1138
Friend: “Any plans this weekend?”
Me: “I’m going to Alcoholics Unanimous.”
Friend: “I think you mean ‘Anonymous’.”
Me: “Nope.”
@mommy_cusses
Me: [Hanging one-handed from a cliff, seconds away from death]
My kid: Can you hold this?
@KimmyMonte
Someone in Australia please tell me how my hair cut turns out tomorrow.
@SmartassChef
Nothing freaks me out like trying to remember which brownies I packed in my son’s lunch box
@Aspersioncast
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
@McGrumpenstein
by this time next year, Ariana Grande’s eyelashes will be so long that male peacocks will challenge her for dominance
@justabloodygame
If you watch The Matrix backwards, a young man slowly comes down from a wild acid trip before returning to his low-level tech job.