my new yoga pose is called the lounging hippopotamus
*holding cardboard sign by intersection*
NOT POOR JUST ON MY WAY TO BREAK DANCING SCHOOL
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I like when the ending credits show pictures from the episode I just watched. What a fun trip down memory lane.
American: COVID19 is super scary
American: Isn’t it crazy how expensive the test is?
American: And that I have to go to work even if I’m sick?
American: And don’t even get me started on quarantine co-pays
Funny how “It just broke” was a common excuse of mine as a child that I never had to say again until I got married.
Me, when the whole table decides to get a nacho platter to share
[first day working at Viagra]
BOSS: We need a new slogan.
ME: *sweating* This is really hard.
BOSS: You’re a goddamn genius, Johnson.
Quarantine status: I now leave an emergency bra near my keys in case I need to go anywhere.
“But I need braaaaaaains!”
~A frustrated zombie at a Trump rally
I never feel like a bigger failure than when my dog re-scratches something I just scratched for her.
Biden: I painted “Michelle Obama 2020” on your bedroom ceiling
Biden: Glow in the dark paint