*holds “bunny ears” over someone’s head for five hours as they have their portrait painted*
You Might Also Like
Tell me again why was it necessary to dress as Snow White & bring a basket of eggs to the delivery?
I’ll be wearing a pink shirt today in solidarity with those of us who don’t separate our whites from our reds when doing the laundry.
Autocarrot sucks!
5 told me she can’t help me clean up her toys because she’s tired from all the work she does in kindergarten. When I asked her what she meant by work, she said “ugh they’re always making us write our names”.
I want to see Taylor Swift and Rupi Kaur fight each other.
Shovelling the driveway with a heating pad jammed down the back of my shirt, the extension cord attached to the house like I’m an astronaut.
“LOLZ”? Really? Did you laugh so loud you fell asleep?
Just watched the first half of Goodfellas, and it’s great. Being in the mob looks super fun, can’t wait to watch the second half where I assume the good times continue to roll.
No more excuses…
…I’m canceling that gym membership.
being a pirate is so easy…I can do it standing on one leg
I think they could have phrased this better
(At a funeral)
Im so sorry for your loss. I know how it feels to lose something you love. Last year Taylor Swift took her music off Spotify.
Nailed it!👇🏻🤣🤣😆
My grandad used to say the only way to gain knowledge was through asking questions. He truly was a whys man.
Meanwhile, at School:
Teacher- “How much is a gram?”
Laure- “Depends on what you want”
Teacher- “Out, just get out”
#YouOwnedHimDude
I like to hide condom wrappers in my married friends pockets.
I’ve never dated a man for his mind, but I would if I ever met a man that had one.
When you think your man is being romantic but really he just doesn’t have electricity.
Three tips to stay young looking: drink water, wear sunscreen every day, remember every personal slight
will somebody tell my friend its spelled “gif” not “gf” and its not special that he has one, i have like 400 on my computer
We’re all in this together. Now, make a human shield, peasants.
My wife says brushing my teeth when sitting on the toilet is disgusting but honestly this toilet brush is almost brand new
Car Salesman: This baby gets 26mpg and check out this nice interior!
Me: *placing several hot dogs in the cup holder* It’s not bad
*adds alone time to my Amazon wishlist*
I bought myself one of those “off road vehicles” last week…
Paid $3000 for it, got it home and found out it was a Canoe!!!
My mouth says: Yes, yes! Keep eating that candy!
My pants say: For the love of god, I cannot hold on much longer!
A spider built his web across my door and I walked straight into it and for a moment I bet he dared to dream that he’d pulled off that one big heist that would finally let him retire.
great news: all my boxes arrived
terrible news: all my boxes arrived
click on one injured animal rescue video, the algorithm just goes “Oh you like this” & shows you dogs getting run over by lawnmowers forever