hot sauce is okay but what i'm really looking for is a rich older sauce that will help me pay off my student loan

hot sauce is okay but what i’m really looking for is a rich older sauce that will help me pay off my student loan

Dogs are “practice babies” and cats are “practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with.”

A cute girl with brilliance is the best thing in the world that doesn’t have cheese on it

Wait couldn’t I just put the che

Mother of god

[the first ever boomerang]

HIM: Get rid of it
ME [scared] I can’t

ME EVREY MORNIG: nonono no noNO no NONO NO!!!

ME EVREY NIGHT: u know wat wil make my morning amazing?! setting my favorite song as my alarm

almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now i have to go to work everyday

Condiments that would be cute baby names:

Dijon
Sriracha
Cholula
Caesar
Aioli
Wasabi
Tabasco (Tabby for short)
Honey Mustard

the correct way to spell “hats” is HATS because it’s all caps

Your friends will stand by you even when you’re at your worst because people are stupid

What can I get you to drink?
“Pepsi”
Is Peps- Uh one moment please
[In kitchen, to manager]
I don’t know, he just said Pepsi. What do I do?

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