*Giant boulder slowly crushes several hundred cats*
Guy who’s about to invent the bagpipes: Hey, this gives me an idea!
HOT SINGLE GRANNIES IN YOUR AREA WANT YOU TO LOOK AT HOW TALL YOU’VE GOTTEN
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Life’s a piano and I’m wearing boxing gloves
My sis just asked if sugar goes bad. Now I can’t stop picturing it bullying the other spices and selling pot.
“I’m really good in bed”
Old Macdonald had a really bad scrabble hand……
E – I – E – I – O…..
I can tell by the dents & busted tail light on your car you are serious about making this lane change work for you come Hell or high water.
My mom used to say “stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about” and I’d be like “I’ve already got something, but thanks”
My daughter told me I’m “slightly prettier than Ben Franklin,” so I have that going for me.
I tried saving a cat in a tree but the darn thing wouldn’t accept Jesus.
Me – Actually goes for a walk
FitBit – You OK?