@bombchelle87: How am I supposed to drink responsibly when responsibility is the whole damn reason I drink?
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@vineyille: I run up to the firefighter as he drags another charred body out of my burning home. “Did you see a zip disk labeled POEMS in there?”
@MsSkaarsgard: Welcome to 40. You keep a pair of tweezers in the car now because goddamn that visor mirror is good.
@heyitsJudeD: Hubby just choked after he bit into a grape and it squirted down his throat.... Not as easy as it looks is it?