Where’s my cell?
That’s not my phone.
“Yes it is. I cleaned it!”
My cell’s white?
How come NASA sending their black hole to everyone is “Breaking News,” but me sending mine is an “HR violation?”
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Me, Rap battling
Jay Z: Can I get a what what?
Teacher: Jay Z, can you or may you?
Jay Z: SORRY MAY I GET A WHAT WHAT
Teacher: Yes, you may get a what what.
sometimes killer whales hunt moose, and if that doesn’t scare and confuse you, it probably should
Me: Hi, is this Chuck E Cheese?
How many kids do I need to have with me to be able to eat and play there?
Chuck E. Cheese: Just one
Me: *opens door to white van* Get out Rebecca I don’t need you
My yard is full of bear traps cos I’m a bit weird about sharing milkshake.
I made a cool diagram of how the Spanish Flu worked in 1918.
While humans carry out social distancing, a group of 14 elephants broke into a village in Yunan province, looking for corn and other food. They ended up drinking 30kg of corn wine and got so drunk that they fell asleep in a nearby tea garden. 😂❤️
Started watching that Godzilla King Kong movie and the first lines of dialogue are basically a scientist saying “Well Godzilla and King Kong are definitely going to have to fight each other, as you know they have an ancient rivalry”