How deep is your love?
Please show all work.
You Might Also Like
You know you’re getting old when you decide to tell your doctor the actual truth about your alcohol intake.
[Movie theater]
*as the previews begin, I pull an entire ice cream cake out of my refrigerated cooler-purse*
Lost the library card. Been missing over a month.
Went and got a new library card.
Came home, put library card in a safe place and found old library card in the same spot.
Has anyone else noticed what beautiful eyelashes giraffes have, or am I just lonely?
who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies
Remember in the boardgame Life when you had kids and collected money? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
My favorite part of parenting is watching the same tiny human that just happily ate what he pulled out of his nose, gag over my homemade lasagna
we got a new neighbour and I thought it was taking him weeks to move in but turns out he works for u-haul
The local diner is now selling rolls of toilet paper displayed in the glass case alongside their pie, which is really confusing.
Unless you’ve ever eaten their pie.
There are two kinds of dog owners. Those that have tried their dog’s treats and those that are lying.
I feel so stupid — I just today learned that Stephen King and Burger King are brothers.
14 put my contact in his phone as birth-giver, his dad as birth-giver assistant, and his sister as rival spawn
i really like this french girl on tiktok the only thing she does is post these videos of her trying to pronounce english words and idk she is just such a diva i love her
My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.
Monday
Every “People Actually Want To Return To The Office” piece sounds like it was written by a lonely office desperate for attention.
Him- I saw you over here sipping your wine.
Me- You clearly have me mistaken for another very attractive woman, because I don’t sip wine.
I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won’t tolerate any weirdness around here
O: put your seatbelt on, honey
o: i will, mom
O: you ready?
ø: yes
“Never eat raw cookie dough” sounds like a lie made up a long time ago by some guy that sold ovens for a living.
I dig, you dig, we dig, he digs, she digs, they dig.
It’s not a beautiful poem, but it’s very deep.
Poor superman.he can’t go commando without the whole world noticing
Meet Couples Who Stay Together Because They Need Help Holding an Invisible Sandwich
don’t talk to me until I’ve had 3 iced coffees & argued with a lady about terriers & threw an iced coffee in her face
People obsessed with how much I bench need to #chill. It’s not like Coke publishes their recipe online for morrons to study.
Wonder how long it’ll take for my pregnant friend to realize that the list of baby name ideas I’m giving her are all just types of lettuce?
I read that 83% of prison inmates are Christians…should I be concerned with my safety when I’m up in Heaven?
Before grocery trip: only getting healthy essentials
After grocery trip: how many grams of protein are in these Doritos?
[at bar]
Him: Why’s a pretty girl like you sitting all alone?
Me: I peed my pants.
[little old lady struggling to pick up her bag of library books off the floor]
Me: [walking by]
“It’s easier if you lift with your legs.”