How do German people not choke to death when they talk

You Might Also Like


If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.


hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it’s over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it


WIFE: Do we have any orange juice?

ME: I don’t think so

WIFE: Well do we have any orange juice concentrate?



3 just informed the cashier at Target, that mommy has a tiny mustache in her underwear.

So the weekend is off to a great start.


GENIE: u can’t wish for more wishes

ME: i wish u had permanent irritable bowel syndrome

GENIE: *sweating* ha ha then again rules are meant to be broken


Comcast: “Would you like to upgrade your Internet service to include cable?”
Me: “No thanks, the illegal downloading has that base covered.”


I’m the kind of girl that will suck helium from a balloon and talk dirty to you in a Minnie Mouse voice.

Really dirty.


6-year-old: Why do cars have cup holders?

Me: For cups.

6: But you can’t drink and drive.


Family vacation is when you listen to your kids cry someplace expensive.


approaching the 7-year anniversary of putting my stem cells in my dad’s bones and growing my bone marrow there thus killing his cancer and giving me years of “he’s a lesbian in his bones” jokes