@Mardigroan

How do I mute or block this account called “Promoted?”

How do I mute or block this account called “Promoted?”

- @Mardigroan

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“Haha! That’s ridic-” Bill started to say, but his words trailed off as an heirloom sprang from behind a tree, sinking its fangs deep into his neck.

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“Dr Doom. Yours?”
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[stifles laughter]
“I HAVE OTHERS”
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ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)

@carlyken

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Dad: “Why don’t you marry it, ya big nerd?”
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@_ElvishPresley_

[Obama giving Trump the White House tour]
O: and here’s the toaster, it tends to stick so don’t be afraid to jam a fork in to get it workin

@MichaelTrying

How much mint do I have to muddle into this mojito for it to count as a serving of vegetables?