Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@cwhudson

[interview at the Pringles factory]
BOSS: why do you wanna work here?
TENNIS BALL: {don’t say to take back the tubes} uhh i love curvy chips

@TheBoydP

Three Doors Down is my favorite band name that describes which bathroom stall you should take when someone else is already there.

@michelleDbelle

I had two students lose teeth yesterday and this morning they excitedly told me how much money the tooth fairy left. One got $10, the other $20. I may start pulling my own teeth out soon.

@bossy_bootz

How long can you soak pots & pans in your sink?

Please say 12 years

@mommajessiec

Husband: Tell me a fantasy of yours.

Me: So you go back to the office for work.

Husband: And?

Me: And?

@PanicRestroom

Always stand up for what you believe in, unless what you believe in is sitting down.

@UncleDuke1969

Don’t like your daughter’s boyfriend?

Leave this on his windshield.

@madlymomming

The bright side of 2020 being the worst year ever is that it will drastically reduce the amount of “hindsight is 2020” jokes next year.

@rachelle_mandik

I brought a glue gun to a knife fight. Those knives aren’t going anywhere.