Uhh, hells yeah Id like to participate in your brief survey.
How do stick men play fetch with their dog?
You Might Also Like
Bank robber: Follow my instructions and no one gets hurt.
Bank robber: Empty the safe and put it in the bag!
Me: Put the empty safe in the bag?
Bank robber: Do you want me to draw my gun?
Me: Okay. I’ll get you a pencil.
When my mom first saw my Facebook she was offended it said I was “interested in men” I think because she thought that was a list of hobbies
My mom called and gave me the weekly weather report. I can’t wait to do this to my kids.
My 4 year old is handing me one grape to wash at a time so breakfast should be served around midnight.
*hits a joint and talks with smoke in lungs*
Hey man, what if, like they infused a banana with marijuana and made a cannabananaoid?
On an afternoon walk, a handsome stranger hands you a note. It says “By the time you read this, I will already be petting your dog.” You look down. It’s true.
Me: Guys, please, I just need 5 minutes without a question, so I can finish this.
4yo: Why do you need 5 minutes, Daddy?
BREAKING: Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider. Boys killed instantly by lack of oxygen.
“Maybe connect two monocles together? Pretty good idea. I have to write this down.” – the guy that invented the pen