@Breadery: How do stick men play fetch with their dog?
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@DearAuntAbby: Your call is important to us, we'll interrupt calming music every 30secs for the next 20mins to remind you that your call is important to us
@SondraDeeMe: I may be paranoid, but it feels like the world is out to get me. *trips over globe and breaks both legs*
@TheCatWhisprer: You know you're getting fat when you make a comment about needing to lose weight and the other person doesn't say anything back.
@daemonic3: [at zoo] Kids, here we have reptiles. Reptiles are cold-blooded. This means they rely on external heat and often answer texts with just a K.