In some cultures, it’s considered polite to scream when someone shows you their baby.
I’d be considered proper there. Probably.
How do stick men play fetch with their dog?
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I’m pretty sure Hitler himself would kill Baby Hitler, afterall he killed regular Hitler.
How come “you’re a peach” is a complement but “you’re bananas” is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?
FB: you have memories to look back on
Wine: i’ll take care of this
If you are what you eat, then my dog is a calculator.
I swear my husband thinks 90% of what I do as a stay home mom is walk around the house & hide his stuff
*hides some stuff
It’s maybe 35%
You can buy live bees. You can have them delivered anywhere you want. It’s like $6. The internet doesn’t make behaving very easy.
Cops don’t like it when you ask them “Need some help?” especially when you’re wearing a Batman costume.
Me: I love you..Marry Me!
Burrito: I’m a Burrito..stop drinking.
I got the lyrics wrong and partied like it’s 1599. Now my kitchen smells like roast peacock and I can’t get this horse off my couch