My boyfriend is taking me to a Spanish restaurant for dinner, I’m kind of scared, I don’t speak Spanish, how will I know not to order dog
How does the little mermaid decide which creatures are her friends and which ones are her bra
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WAITER: and how would you like your steak, miss?
HER: definitely not wooden *winks across table*
DRACULA: *just glares at her*
There is a trend of babies being named after characters in “Frozen”.
“That’s Stupid” says a 24 year old named Ariel.
There’s no law that says you can’t use a tiny pancake as an eyepatch.
Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.
i’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that omg this branch definitely can’t hold my weight and yep i’m going down
For every hour that passes without payment, I will teach another hostage “Wonderwall” on acoustic guitar and release him back to you
[Michael Cera knocked backwards by ejecting toast]
“You can’t even handle 2 days locked inside AT HOME?! You’d never make it in prison!”
Well no shit. It’s one of many reasons I don’t commit crimes, ya dipshit.
7 is asleep, 8 is on his iPad, and 12 is all like “hey dad, why don’t you remember our names”