@Flora__Flora

How does the little mermaid decide which creatures are her friends and which ones are her bra

You Might Also Like

@OkieGirl405

My boyfriend is taking me to a Spanish restaurant for dinner, I’m kind of scared, I don’t speak Spanish, how will I know not to order dog

@AndyAsAdjective

[1st date]

WAITER: and how would you like your steak, miss?

HER: definitely not wooden *winks across table*

DRACULA: *just glares at her*

@awescar

There is a trend of babies being named after characters in “Frozen”.

“That’s Stupid” says a 24 year old named Ariel.

@CelebrityChez

There’s no law that says you can’t use a tiny pancake as an eyepatch.

@MaraWritesStuff

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you are hungry and want to stay that way.

@I_am_carbs

i’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that omg this branch definitely can’t hold my weight and yep i’m going down

@Mickey_McCauley

For every hour that passes without payment, I will teach another hostage “Wonderwall” on acoustic guitar and release him back to you

@ojedge

[Michael Cera knocked backwards by ejecting toast]

@Lavadog93

“You can’t even handle 2 days locked inside AT HOME?! You’d never make it in prison!”

Well no shit. It’s one of many reasons I don’t commit crimes, ya dipshit.

@GrantTanaka

7 is asleep, 8 is on his iPad, and 12 is all like “hey dad, why don’t you remember our names”