@markedly: How is it that a parking spot gets paid more per hour than I do
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@AndrewChamings: interviewer: do you feel like you have grown as a person? me: ok well I was literally like a foot tall when I was born
@pleatedjeans: Crime tip: commit all your crimes in space NASA is not the space police there are no laws up there you will not go to jail
@Parkerlawyer: I got a message on Facebook that said, "Your a lawyer, right?" Me, "*You're." May have lost a new client but they learned something today.
@thedad: Therapist: did the other kids tease you back in school? Me: no Therapist: no come on, they must have