@SchooIAnswer

“how is school going?”

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@Liam26x

Annoys me when I’m typing my reply and someone starts typing like you see those 3 bubbles and I’m just like no excuse me wait your turn thanks

@ThrillHicks

I’ve accepted that I’ll never know how that M+ button on a calculator works.

@Sickayduh

“What’s that?”
– My new boss. He’s very deciduous”
“Decisive?”
– Nope. I carved him from a potted tree.
*squirrel peeks out of his mouth*

@leshnevsky

Today’s 3-year-olds can unlock the smartphone and launch favorite app or music player.
What did I do in my 3-year-old? I ate sand.

@EvilPandaX

Anyone realize Dora is always lost every episode? Why is their no Amber alert for her? Is it because she’s Mexican?

@MisfitMuse

So far, I’ve gotten away with passing as an adult again today.

@BritXNic

I don’t chase guys unless I have my inhaler with me.

@Darlainky

That awkward moment when you walk in on your sons having a yo momma insult contest.