HOW ARE SPOTTED OWLS ENDANGERED IF THEY’RE ALWAYS BEING SEEN
“How long you here for?”
-somebody that’s bout to stand you up while you in they city
You Might Also Like
Like dudes straight up do not pay attention. It took Bruce Willis 2 hours and 10 minutes to realize he was a damn ghost in the Sixth Sense.
Walking around cemeteries looking at headstones is a great way to come up with baby names.
Well, well, well, if it isn’t the person whose name I’ve forgotten.
Magician: “Think of a card.”
Magician: “You are thinking of the.. 3 OF SPADES!”
Me: “I was thinking about a get well soon card.”
If you can’t be with the one you love, love the grilled cheese you’re with.
Reached the stage of parenting where I just found a garlic press in the shower and I didn’t even want to ask why.
I just reached in my purse for a pen and found a full 4 pack chicken nugget box from McDonalds.
So I get it, squirrels. I get it.
Ladies: The “silent treatment” is not a punishment. Try the “sit next to him and cry and or frown excessively treatment” instead.
BUZZ LIGHTYEAR: To infinity and beyond!
ME: Nothing is beyond infinity, I demand realism in my talking toy movie