@texasstalkermom

How many beer trucks can you “accidentally” run into before your insurance company becomes suspicious?

You Might Also Like

@imadepoopstoday

“Pull my hair, slap me, call me dirty names” – WTF? I’ve been doing this since kindergarten and always got yelled at.

@PaperWash

I’m sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That’s your new name now, there’s nothing we can do about it.

@thatdutchperson

My bank just sent me an email starting with “we’re all in this together” and then told me my monthly fees are going up

@SamuelMoen

Impress your date. Be wild. Flip the table. Flip it 360 so its upright again & nothing has moved except a roll that has flown into her mouth

@SJSchauer

Mom: if your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?

Me, friendless: rub it in a little more, Judy

@faisaladam_

If a girl says she loves you, do you tell her thank you or run away screaming? Asking for a dad.
Seriously, asking for a dad. I need a dad.

@D2_Barney_McG

I thought twerking was tweeting at work

That’s how out of the loop I am

@nattylumpo88

This is my daughter Amaranth, my son Sorghum, and our dog Millet. Sorry if the photo is a little — grainy.

Boom! Zing! This is free content!